If I am honest, my opening to this has been colored by a number of things. Namely, my own blackness. In white spaces, I think too much for “the colored” people. I think of us *as* coloured people. I do too much in my mind to correct for what I think is the bias of other races while altogether realizing it is my own bias at fault here. I am not here removing the external biases that do exist, yet I am stating the fact that it is hard enough to live while black without adding the over-correction (or over-calculation) that I feel the need to do because of my race.
It matters not what I want to do. What’s utterly important is what God IS doing. And trust me… I STILL have a laundry list of ‘I-don’t-wannas…’, but that doesn’t stop God from moving and it doesn’t stop me from serving.
Most conversations of mine, these days, revolve around this calling. I am asked questions to which I (do not) know the answer, yet I am so seeking God’s leading that I feel no hurry to answer definitively about something I know for sure that God will carry out in His own timing. Trust… I have learned through this lifetime process that neither my voice, nor my admission, denial, or responses can limit what God intends to do, so… I am finding comfort in not defining what many around me require/request me to have an acute understanding of so early in my journey.
I have no need for that.
I am here. FInally. Finally, in a place, I’ve always wanted to be.
Finally, in a place, I’ve longed for over many years. Finally. I am Here. Where God called me to be.
Sometimes, prayer is a very destitute place. You’re alone in prayer. It’s just you and your Jesus, so you have to get to a place where you find comfort in communication with Jesus.