Most conversations of mine, these days, revolve around this calling. I am asked questions to which I (do not) know the answer, yet I am so seeking God’s leading that I feel no hurry to answer definitively about something I know for sure that God will carry out in His own timing. Trust… I have learned through this lifetime process that neither my voice, nor my admission, denial, or responses can limit what God intends to do, so… I am finding comfort in not defining what many around me require/request me to have an acute understanding of so early in my journey.
I have no need for that.
I am a disciple.
That is it.
I am called to disciple. I am called to lead. I am called to lend a helping hand. I am called to stand in the gap. This calling changes. It changes many lives and it changes right before my eyes. A pastorship neither lends to nor takes away from my stark desire to obey God and follow Him no matter what, and guess what??? I am grateful for that as I have seen men and women devastated to see their churches fade as a result of little to no success in their own placement as pastor of a brick-and-mortar assembly. What if it was never about that? What if it was never about one’s attachment to placement or position but more about one’s service to the creator however He sees fit?
As it currently stands, I am finding my footing. It is an intricate balance of feigned humility and feeling worthy of that which God has called me to. This is yet another cause for my “wide-open” responses to desired definition.
“Are you a minister?”
“Are you a pastor?”
“What’s your calling?”
“She’s a female pastor.”
Many define me now. They put words to what I feel needs none. I have learned that we tend to “miss it” most times when placement trumps “this calling.” For example, to all of the pastors who never reach out to communities… are we called to people OR are we called to buildings? Are we called to those who are ours OR are we called to those who are God’s? Are we limited to what pleases us OR shall we thrive on what pleases God? Definition makes people comfortable. It softens their need for understanding.
And know this… I am not above the need for clarity or the need to provide it to others, but as I see it… especially now, right here… in this place… definition has created too many limitations where ambiguity would create too many opportunities… IF we opted to see it as such.
Today’s church has a need for placement whereas today’s world has a need for access. We limit access when all who are welcomed are not called and all who are called are not welcomed. In God’s great scheme of things, what’s the difference? What’s most important?
In my present state (quite literally), I’d feel better being and feeling welcomed vs. to be called.
Where I am, many are called. Where I am from, few feel welcomed.
Where I am going, I know that I am chosen and that, dear friends, is of utmost importance to me.